Author Archive
Jan 23, 12 | Posted by: Sharyl Paley, M.D.
Have the resolutions made it past the first month
Every year people make New Year’s resolutions. We resolve to eat more healthy, exercise more, and lessen our stress. When I went to the JCC to work out last week, the gym was packed. Each day though I see fewer and fewer people there. All the resolutions are good ones. How can we make them stick? More »
Jan 11, 12 | Posted by: Sharyl Paley, M.D.
Fear in kids sports
Jack Jablonski. This is a name that I have been hearing about for the past few weeks. If you don’t know about him, Jack is a high school hockey player from Minnesota. During a game a few weeks ago he was checked from behind and is currently in the hospital and paralyzed. I have heard about him, because of Facebook. The amount of prayers that are going out about him, even from those who do not know him is incredible. My 14 year old daughter came and asked me if I had heard about him since it was also all over her Facebook site. She also asked if I knew about the other teenager from Canada who was killed in a freak accident when a puck struck him in the throat. More »
Nov 21, 11 | Posted by: Sharyl Paley, M.D.
Tragedy in the world of Adolescence
Tragedy has happened again in our community. I say again because it was just over a year ago when a high school student from Homestead was killed in a car accident. Now two Nicolet sophomores were killed this past weekend in a car accident. Living in this community you will be touched by this in some way. Whether it is hearing it on the news, driving by Nicolet and seeing all of the news stations there (wouldn’t it be nice if they could let the kids work through this without blaring it in their faces), driving by the site and seeing the memorial put up by the teens, seeing an adolescent boy crying at the memorial, or hearing your freshman daughter talk about the girls and how many of her friends had relationships with these girls.
You are affected if you live in the community. The teens ARE affected. Even if they didn’t know the girls or know them well, like my daughter, they have friends that were friends with them or on the gymnastics team, student council or best buddies with them. We will never know exactly what was going on and we will never be able to understand these senseless tragedies, but we need to be there for the kids. I say kids because that’s what they are. Even though they can now use large words, do math problems we can no longer solve, or have a great political conversation with us, they are still kids. They are in the journey of becoming adults, but their ability to think, react and judge are not at an adults level yet.
While helping your kids through this there are some important hints to help us. http://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/griefwar.pdf
Let them talk. Teenagers have many ways of talking. Many will want to congregate at friends homes and just hang out. Others will want to construct a memorial (as they already did) and go there to reflect. Many (and this problem numbers on the hundreds and thousands) will post their feelings on facebook. My daughter showed me the outpouring of people on facebook, from those who knew the girls well to those who were helping comfort their friends. Whatever your childs way, let them express it.
It is ok if they need a little extra time to themselves. I would be concerned though if this time becomes excessive or it is all they want to do, if they become withdrawn, change how they are eating or sleeping. These are the times to step in and seek professional help. Let your child know that you are there for them, but also don’t badger them with too many questions. Leave the door open, let them know you are there for them to talk when they are ready.
As things settle will be the time to discuss more. Remind them why we love them, but also remind them why parents also are so crazy sometimes. We have rules to help protect them, but no matter how much we say or do, they still will do as they want or what they see as right. So make sure you always tell them you love them and remember we do have to let them grow and we can’t protect them from everything.
Nov 18, 11 | Posted by: Sharyl Paley, M.D.
What do we say in light of Penn State?
Today during a routine check up a mom asked me such a great question I thought it was important to share. She wanted to know how in light of last weeks scandal at Penn State, how could she teach her children about inappropriate touching. It is important at a young age, as young as 1 years old, to start using the words to describe private areas and appropriate touching. Sometimes our kids have so many people caring for them, changing their diapers, cleaning them when they have accidents, that many may feel it is normal for adults to look or touch down there. But our children have a great instinct. At about 2-3 years of age, even when I examine a child they start to hold their legs closed or act shy when talking about their private areas. This must be something inbred to start to help protect them from inappropriate touching. I try to have the conversation with them that I am looking at all parts of their bodies to make sure they are developing ok. I also explain to them that they are right and that is their private place, and if mom or dad wasn’t with them in the room, then I could not look or touch there.
Our children need to know that their body belongs to them. It is not only ok but it is their right to say they don’t want someone touching them. For some this may even be they don’t want someone touching their arm or giving them a hug. As a parent we need to especially teach them that their private parts are just that- private. No one else should touch or look there unless they have asked for help and have given them the ok. Teaching kids to come to us and let us know if they were touched in a way that they didn’t like or felt uncomfortable, even if the person is someone they know and/or like.
Sep 14, 11 | Posted by: Sharyl Paley, M.D.
Picking your battles
It’s hard to be a parent. Whether you have an infant, toddler, or adolescent, you have different challenges, and they are all hard. Everyday I give advice on how to parent and different tools to help you through the different stages of a child’s life. I often need to remind myself of my own advice when it comes to parenting my kids.
One of the most important things I remind people is to pick and choose your battles. Your children will learn to know when you really mean it. Also, we can’t always protect our kids from everything. They need to learn from life and from their own mistakes. It’s hard to watch, but hopefully we arm them with enough tools to know what is right.
My son is stubborn. He wants to be independent and often thinks he is right. He loves to ride his bike, and will even ride it to school when there is some snow on the ground. As he has gotten older he has shown he is mature enough to ride on the busier streets and not just on the side roads. We fought about this at first, but I learned to trust that he knows his abilities and he knows the rules of the road. I can’t protect him from everything, but I have armed him with enough knowledge to be smart. The one rule he knows is a must is a bike helmet. He even comments when he sees others without it on.
Today would have been a problem if he didn’t have his helmet on. He was on that busy road when a stone flew into his tire and he swerved and fell. His helmet is dented, but better that then his head. I see way too many kids riding their bikes and not wearing their helmets either because they think they are not cool or they think it will never happen to them. Well, the consequences are too serious to not insist on this one. Now, the only thing I need to do is buy a new helmet.
Accidents happen. We can’t protect our kids from everything. My son learned growing up that helmets are not a choice- they must be worn. I have learned to pick battles and learn to trust when his instincts are right. Of course, his dad and I hopefully taught him to have good instincts.
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